Sunday, May 29, 2011

Dear Cupcake: Zombie Dreams

Dear Cupcake,

Even though we've begun writing in your baby book, I want to take a little bit of time each week to write about something that isn't necessarily baby book worthy. There are so many stories I want to remember to share with you when you get here, but I know that the "baby brain" I've developed during my pregnancy is going to make it difficult to share everything with you. Sometimes, I can barely remember the food I ate for lunch, let alone the date, time, and location of the first time you karate-chopped my bladder. So these will be my love-letters to you while you're still baking in my belly. I promise not to be too inappropriate (we almost bought the Inappropriate Parents Baby Book for you the other day), and I'll try to keep the sappiness to a minimum. After all, you're going to be surrounded by sappiness when you finally get here in September.

Today, I'd like to tell you about the insanely vivid dreams that I have been having while I've been pregnant. I don't want to scare you, so I'll leave out the terrifying bits of last night's dream, but suffice to say that I am tired of dreaming about the zombie apocalypse. It seems as if zombies are my go-to nightmare fodder, and I have been remembering everything about those dreams when I wake up from them. I've been told it's because my sleep cycle has changed so dramatically while you've been here, and I am fairly certain the science behind that is true. What I am not certain about is why zombies have become the most dream-worthy topic of my subconscious in the last few months.

Last night's dream involved zombies wielding staple guns (which is obviously not possible since their deceased flesh could not create enough force to actually deploy a staple), a Christian day camp, President Obama, Paris Hilton, and a fireplace poker. It also included Arnold Schwarzenegger sexually harassing women in a one-seater bathroom. Does any of that make sense? Absolutely not. I still woke up in a terror, looking around the bedroom for any sign of the zombie that had been pursuing me in my sleep. Thankfully, nothing was there to startle me. It was a really great piece of serendipity that your daddy came home from work right about the same time because I wasn't having a very easy time falling back to sleep.

And what happened when I fell back asleep? Another bizarre dream that was a combination of the Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 1 flush yourself into the Ministry of Magic scene with the polar bear from Lost and the maze-like sequences from Doom. Did I mention that through all of this I was unable to do anything but crawl? Yeah. It was unfortunate to say the least. My crawling skills are sub par after a solid 30 years of walking on two feet.

So, there you have it, Cupcake, your presence in my belly has been creating some of the most ridiculous dreams of my life. But unlike all of the baby books and websites that say I'll be dreaming of things associated with past boyfriends or unfinished business or failing as a parent, I'm dreaming of ways that I'm going to have to save you from zombies. Of all the things in the world, Cupcake, zombies.

Your daddy did make a valid point, though. He reminded me that the reason I'm probably so apt to be terrified of zombies (even though they are the stars of my favorite horror/suspense films and some of my favorite comic books) is because they are the creature from our imaginations that are most likely to actually become real. So possible, even, that the CDC even released its own version of the Zombie Survival Guide a few weeks ago. When the CDC gets involved, poking fun or not, you know something's up.

The good news amongst all of this? I'm still sleeping pretty well. And I love my naps. It seems like every time I wake up, you wake up, too. Last night, after I walked around the kitchen and fell back into bed with sleep still in the corners of my eyes, you were there kicking a few tap tap taps on my left side. Reminding me, I'd like to think, that's it's all just a dream. It was comforting to know you were still there, safe and sound and snuggly in my belly. You're the best feeling in the world to fall asleep to, even if I know that zombies are on the side of my closed eyelids.


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